Home  News  Commentary  Forum  "For the Avid Chiefs Fan" 

Chiefs at Chargers
Sunday, January 1st
W - 37 to 27

www wildbills


Chiefs Live

Want to join our weekly Chiefs email newsletter? Submit your name and email address:

Welcome to the bottom of the barrel

More by Ed Fulda
Other writers' articles
There was a glimmer of hope. A tiny one, mind you, but still a glimmer. The defense had performed reasonably well against three straight opponents (Oakland, San Francisco, and Buffalo) that boasted potent offenses. Against Seattle, however, the Chiefs proved once and for all that their defense is truly one of the worst in the history of the NFL.

Great defenses are a thing of beauty. They are fun to watch. They are remembered in NFL lore. They earn nicknames like the "Purple People Eaters," the "Steel Curtain," or the "Monsters of the Midway."

Really bad defenses (don't kid yourself; the Chiefs certainly qualify as one) are painful to watch. Your mind rebels at the thought of remembering them (unless, of course, you follow the Cincinnati Bengals and see a bad "D" every year). Certainly, no one ever thinks of bestowing a nickname on one. Given how many team records for defensive futility will fall this year, maybe an exception should be made for this year's edition of the Chiefs.

Possibly you are still in denial and don't believe that the Chiefs are truly bad. Consider that the Chiefs are on target to smash the team records for:

Most total touchdowns surrendered
Most passing touchdowns surrendered
Most total points surrendered
Most total first downs surrendered
Most passing first downs surrendered
Most total net yards surrendered
Most net passing yards surrendered

Some of these records could fall this Sunday. That's one heck of an unenviable record but things could actually be worse. This year's edition is also very close to establishing new lows for most rushing touchdowns surrendered and for most offensive plays permitted. Even the 1976, 1977, and 1987 teams didn't compile such ugly standards.

So, what name can you give to such a sorry group? I thought of several, but most can't be printed. The "Kleenex Curtain" fits, but I'm sure the folks at Kimberly-Clark would object. The "Hamsters of the Midway" has a nice ring to it, but there's no Midway in KC. "Vermeil's Schlemiels" and "Greg's Dregs" just don't fit the bill. With apologies to Notre Dame, how about the "Eleven Chihuahuas of the Apocalypse?" If one digs further into football lore, we could go with the "Eleven Pillars of Granola." It's too bad that the defensive coordinator isn't named Fosbury or Seward because the "Fosbury Flop" and "Seward's Folly" would be perfect fits.

I give up. Ugly just doesn't lend itself to a cute nickname. Just change the road signs outside Arrowhead Stadium to read "I 70, Chiefs 48."

© 1998 - 2016 Wild Bill's Chiefs Terms of Use